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Friday, April 10, 2020

Slow the hell down...

Do you mean Turtle sex?
  NO. I'm not referring to turtle sex.
I mean, like... it's a thing. Did you know it's a "THING"?

LESSON 404: Slow Sex, or OM.
Seriously!!!! It's also called sexual meditation, orgasmic meditation (a.k.a. "OM"), and my personal favorite: SLOW THE HELL DOWN. (jk)

DISCLAIMER: I did not read the book. But this is not the first time I've heard of this. So here I go.

Slow sex is not just about going slow. I don't want to misinform you. Obviously, there is more to it than that. Otherwise, you wouldn't be able to write a whole book about it, right?

Guys, it's not quite what you picture in your head.

Gals, it's EXACTLY what you probably are hoping it is.

So when you hear someone say "Slow down, it's not sex!" then you can correct them and let them know that sex isn't SUPPOSED to be fast. (Unless you only have 3 minutes before all the kids wake up and you were lucky enough to wake up before them.)

  • Woman strips and lays down comfortably.
  • Man Sits next to woman (clothed. Sorry.)
  • Woman clears mind. (seriously difficult.)
  • Man clears mind. (seriously easy, let's be honest. There's a naked woman in front of him.)
  • Man then proceeds to slowly touch, rub, massage said woman. (attentively)
  • Woman gives feedback to man, letting him know what feels nice or to be softer, harder, etc.

Sounds like glorified foreplay, right?
One problem. You stop after 15 minutes.

But that's the thing. Doing this is supposed to be a way to practice and learn without the actual orgasm being the GOAL. (hear me out.) You aren't supposed to end in an orgasm, although that's a lovely benefit if it happens within 15 minutes. But that's not the point. Or at least that is impression I've been given.

So I went looking further...
And then I came across this article, which compared this 'Slow Sex' book to 50 shades, so of COURSE I had to read the article. I won't make you read it, but the author (yes, a guy) found some key phrases that stood out to him, and I narrowed them down to these two things that I have been saying repeatedly:
GUYS: "What she really wants is access to your attention"
GALS: "Men get confused when women withhold information" 

Frickin ay. Can we say COMMUNICATION????

Look, I'm not here to solve your relationship problems, but I'm gonna tell you right now. If you EVER complain to someone about how good or bad your sex life is, and that person is NOT the person you are having sex with, then you are communicating to the wrong person!!!!

Get out of your head. Grow some balls or tits, whichever, and just SPEAK UP. I mean, don't be a d*ck. But start giving some friendly directions, mkay? You'd be surprised where it gets you. 

HOMEWORK: Watch this TED talk by Nicole Daedone to learn more details of the "how-to" for orgasmic meditation.
CHEAT: For those that prefer cliff-notes, watch from 5:10 through about 10min. Trust me, it's a good story. ...and will make you wanna buy a good quality flashlight.

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