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Thursday, December 19, 2019

PSA: taking an innuendo...

And no, I don't mean IN THE END-OH.


Lesson 105:
Innuendo vs In the end OH!

Read these two sentences and tell me why the type of conjunction you use makes a difference. (Conjunction... the little word right after the comma.)

1) My boss stood in front of me, waving her fancy wedding ring around as she talked, but then she told me to bring a report to her office before the end of the day.

2) My boss stood in front of me, waving her fancy wedding ring around as she talked, and then she told me to bring a report to her office before the end of the day.

(feel free to change up her/she for him/he)
Hear the subtle difference? Does one sentence insinuate something and the other doesn't? Can you hear it?

Well don't. THAT's the problem. Stop trying to read into everything. Words should be taken at face value unless someone says them with a wink and a head-nod. And even then, there are situations where it's a REALLY bad idea to make that conclusion. Remember, this isn't a bottom shelf porno. Stop watching German Dungeon Porn and go out there and experience "IRL".

Side note: Yes, German Dungeon Porn is a thing. No, I don't recommend it. Even just googling it will fill your technology with pop-ups and ads. But it might be a great conversation starter while playing Cards Against Humanity. 

Additional side note for us more senior grown-ups: IRL = in real life. If we have to have a text abbreviation for it, then it's probably not happening enough. Go take a walk more often. Watch the trees as they go by while riding in the car instead of playing candy crush. 

Here's the thing, if your boss asks you to bring a report to their office, it doesn't matter if it's a woman or a man, you gotta report to write and deliver. That's all. And if you see a ring? Just shut it down in your head right away. No reason to go jumping to conclusions, and it's not your place to sexualize someone for your own selfish purposes. It's only gonna start trouble. Don't stir the pot.

These days I see too often that a person takes something the wrong way because the person who said it is someone they have the hots for. Why not try to respect the person as just another human being, for example, like your Grandpa... Imagine him saying it. Does what they said still sound like a sexual innuendo? Or just a badly worded sentence?

Yeah. I went there.

With the holidays coming up, we're all gonna be extra "festive" and there's gonna be a good chance we're all gonna forget to use our filters and words will come out that is gonna make you wanna say ...
Believe me. That person is me.

And no one wants to head into 2020 with that awkward foot-in-mouth moment lingering along from last year.

So I'm posting this blog today as a reminder to pay attention to your surroundings and situation. There's a huge difference between blurting out a good old innuendo at the bar on a Friday night at 11:30 pm and saying something sexually inappropriate at your work luncheon. Or even worse, on Christmas Eve in front of your 3-year-old little niece who loves repeating everything she hears.

It's really not that cute. Let's not do that, ok?

This is your PSA for the holidays, folks. Let's work together and get through them without HR getting involved, shall we? And be careful to still use those filters around the family, especially little ones, when you know you've had a few drinks.

No judgement though! I've stuck my foot in mouth enough, and that's why I'm passing along my knowledge to you. Feel free to share your "my bad" moments in the comments so we can laugh at... I mean laugh along with you. And if it happened yesterday? Well, you'll laugh about it in 10 years or so. I promise.

Homework: practice standing in front of the mirror finding ways to catch yourself saying something inappropriate and turning it into something innocent mid-sentence. Example: "That's what sh... erpas say about Llama-fur rugs. They're soothing and relaxing too!"

(What's a sherpa, you ask? Here ya go.)

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