It's playtime! Go grab your toys!! Get ready for RECESS TIME!!
What, you don't have any toys?
And YOU? You don't like toys?
What about YOU?
Come now, toys are okay! I know it might be a little awkward talking about these things, but it's important to learn about adult toys. I'm not saying you have to have a PowerPoint slideshow up in your living room and use a laser pointer to discuss graphic diagrams with your grandmother. I respect the fact that some things are best kept as private discussions in a setting where you feel safe and comfortable.
Maybe it would help you feel better talking about it if we got rid of some of the hang ups that go with the topic of toys? Let's really talk about the big "O" accessories and clear a few things up, shall we?
LESSON 410: TOYS ARE OKAY.
Using toys to enhance your sexual health does NOT...
make you a freak
make you a weirdo
make you incapable of connecting with another human
make you selfish
make you a failure in any way at all
mean you are bad at sex just because your partner uses a toy
make your partner a failure
make you difficult to please
make you a lonely person or a loser
make your sexual practices unnatural
make you numb to orgasms down the road
make you get UTIs (as long as you're using proper cleaning techniques)
Stop listening to old wives tales and locker room talk.
Just stop it.
You may be surprised at the amount of research and surveys conducted to demonstrate vibrator/sex toy usage that is published stating that a MOJORITY of people have used or own a toy. As a matter of fact, one company (Lovehoney) claims that 3 out of 4 Americans own at least one dildo. I won't go into all the implications of that statistic (at least one? is the 4th American too poor to buy one? Do they call theirs a massager and so therefore they don't count?) but I think it's safe to say that having a toy doesn't make you the exception to the rule. It's fairly easy to conclude here that having better orgasms could be important to many people.
Other research from Indiana University's Center for Sexual Health Promotion says that "vibrator use is associated with more positive sexual function and being more proactive in caring for one's sexual health." They even looked at the data for men who use vibrators and found that it's actually common among men, too! Let's not assume that women are the only ones enjoying some good vibrations.
(FYI: The Bloomington, IN, study I referred to was conducted by Indiana University researchers. For more details and good homework reading, check out http://newsinfo.iu.edu/news-archive/10877.html.)
Men, it doesn't matter how old or how young you are, toys are for EVERYONE. Even AARP wrote an article about it! YES... somewhere there's some older man (google "silver fox", rawr) who knows WAY more tricks than you do, has way more patience than you do, and he's retired and has way more time to do it, to boot.
Orgasms are our blessed gift... and enjoying them with our partner is a great bonding experience, so why not make it the most epic experience that you can? Don't let the 'notions' you have in your head get in the way of a great quality night with your honey-baby-pumpkin-doll.
So maybe we should talk about the BENEFITS of using toys?
increased overall sexual function
increased erectile function
increased intercourse satisfaction
increased orgasmic function (length, strength, duration, etc)
increased sexual desire
spicing up intimate times together
more enjoyable foreplay
increasing your skill at giving directions
increasing overall communication with your partner
and perhaps it could lead to the strongest damn Kegel muscles to ever choke a WWE wrestler.
(I made that last one up.)
On a more fun note... Ever wonder how all those awesome toys are made??? If you did, then try the homework assignment below to help satisfy your curiosity! It might help you get out of your comfort zone and try out a new style of toy, or maybe look at your collection a little differently.
So in conclusion, even though you're a grown up, it's still okay to play with toys. I give you permission. Go forth and shop, research, google, and check out the sexual health isle at Walgreens cause that lady at the makeup counter is really good at helping you buy stuff without calling out a price check for the entire store to hear.
P.S. And I'd like to brag that the same Lovehoney survey showed that OHIO is in the top 15 states where dildos are most likely to reside! Way to represent, Ohio. Bravo. Let's try to beat Iowa next year, ok?
HOMEWORK: Media time!