I read this sentence, written by a wonderful blogger named Elle Stanger. I happened across the comment after perusing her many blogs on a website called Thrillist. I would be lying if I said that I spend my days researching other blogs about sex, libido, and feminism... although that would make for some really fun days. But on this particular day, I had one of those google moments where I started in one place...
And ended up in another place all together...
By the way... just fair warning, you might wanna lay down a blanket there buddy otherwise there's gonna be some pretty weird butt-cheek smudges on the hood of the car. Just sayin. I mean... I wouldn't know. I'm just guessing. Cause I wouldn't have ever been in that scenario cause I'm a law abiding citizen and would never get caught doing that. (Key word... "caught".)
Seriously though, after reading that one sentence, it made me think. It made me think hard.
Oh stop it. Not THAT kind of hard.
So I was thinking about how there is a fine line between what we see in porn or sexual scenes on TV and what actually works in our own bedrooms... or whatever place you choose to make happy at.
I mean, we all know that things don't always work the same way in real life as they do on film. But it doesn't mean some of us aren't going to TRY our little hearts out. But consider again the quote above...
"Trying to imitate porn for its own sake can be a let down."The sentence begs for us to step back for a moment and consider whether or not TRYING is actually always the best idea. I mean, I'm all for overachievers. Shouldn't we all try to achieve greatness? Don't we want to broaden our horizons?
This is where communication betwixt lovers comes into play more than anything. We can't possibly expect that every neat little trick on the TV is going to work for everyone, and we can't assume that everyone in the world actually WANTS to try that trick.
But COULD it work? Yes. DID it work? I dunno. You need to ask your lover if you were both game to give it a go. Is it worth a TRY? Probably, according to the sexperts. Do you WANT to try it? That's another story all together. I mean... just because it's an option, doesn't necessarily mean you are interested in it. And just because someone makes it look all awesome and schmexy on TV doesn't mean that you aren't badass in the bedroom if you don't do it.
Some of the greatest love affairs have been vanilla as hell. There's no shame in that! And there's no shame in LIKING vanilla. Vanilla is a great flavor and the proof of that is in all the 'vanilla' flavored crap out there on the shelves. Next time you go to the grocery store, count how many things have the word vanilla on the package. I bet it's more than you imagine!
So just remember, you don't HAVE to try that super complicated spinning thrust move you saw on that porn.
And you don't HAVE to try out that thing they do with the fist or the grapefruit thing from our nutrition lesson if the thought of it scares the crap out of you or you just hate the taste of fists.
And no one can tell you that you aren't having fun if someone isn't squirting every time you have sexy-time.
Everyone is different, and you shouldn't diminish the fun you're having just because you're comparing it to some staged porn scene on the TV. Go out there and enjoy yourself, and remember to communicate with your partner and figure out what works for YOU, not everyone else. ;-)
IF you read all this, then THANK YOU, and pat yourself on the back for completing
LESSON 402: Sexy Self-Efficacy Psychology Stuffs
HOMEWORK: Make a list of the things you are happy about with your own sex life. You don't have to share it, but sometimes it helps to focus on the things you're grateful for, and being grateful for your sensuality and happiness is always healthy for the psyche.