You have to remember that if it sounds a bit crazy, it might just be crazy. You MIGHT be getting advice from someone who actually may not have their facts straight in the first place. Or it might be just a matter of lack of proper knowledge. Or they may not be saying it in a way that is communicating what they really wanted to say.
Let's take for example, this advice from one man to another, who is trying to help his fellow man become more... manly, so to speak. In the more conventional sense of the word. (Go ahead, click play. If you've never seen the movie "Smoke Signals", it's a great one to have in your repertoire.)
LESSON 206: STOICISM
Let's discuss this word "Stoic", shall we? Have you heard this word before? What kind of images come up when you think of stoic?
Not to get into too much detail, it basically emphasizes that it is best to be emotionally resilient, and that some emotions are unhealthy and don't fit in with the natural order of things. It encourages a state of calm and virtue, trying to avoid those 'destructive emotions' that can throw things out of balance. Stoics tend to regard people more by how they behave, rather than by how they speak or think. (Seems to make sense.)
In regards to the word STOIC itself, and perhaps in the way that the video above was referring to, it might help to know where the word came from. It's basic origins come from the Greek word stoikos, or "of the stoa"... stoa being a Portico, or porch... leading to the base of the word stoic. Basically, meaning that your face is a porch.
YES, your face is a porch... a porch made of marble pillars, unchanging... serious... a virtual mystery of what emotion may be residing just under the surface.
Now I know that I've said in previous blogs that women love to laugh. I own that. I still agree that a great sense of humor is amazing. Hell, I'll even advocate that sometimes healthy laughter is totally amazing, even in the midst of sex. Laughter, endorphins, blah blah blah. I won't take back my word on that.
So where does being STOIC come in? Well, have you ever seen one of those scenes where a sexy actor in a movie has this moment of seriousness and the camera seems to feature a look on their face and all the women in the theater swoon because it's just so smoldering?
Well, stoic can be kind of like smoldering, only not as intense. And being stoic has historically been a very male characteristic, kind of like having a deep voice or brooding eyebrows.
Um, well, maybe not like that. Think more like, uh....
Don't misinterpret this as encouragement to hide your feelings. If something needs to be dealt with, don't build a porch on your face. Or... a wall... whatever. Don't emotion-block. Some feelings were meant to be worn on the sleeve, otherwise you might end up losing the communication skills you've been trying so hard to develop with your partner and lover.
What I'm trying to say here is, changing it up can be a good thing, even if "changing up" means going for a more serious tone from time to time. See how it affects your life and your relationships. Perhaps you might find conversations following a more philosophical route than they used to. Or you might change the dynamic of a lover-relationship slightly and create some "smolder". Or maybe it might cause someone else to suddenly wonder what your thinking, and wondering leads to curiosity, and curiosity leads to... well, usually fun things. As long as it doesn't involve a cat.
Like I said... everything in moderation. Find that balance.
HOMEWORK: Keep a journal for a week, and on each day write what 'mood' you are going to set for the whole day and try to keep that mood throughout the whole day. Try out happy, excited, hyper, sullen, determined, stoic, sentimental, etc. At the end of every day, write down how others reacted to your mood and whether those are reactions that you enjoyed or not. It's a great practice in seeing how contagious our moods and emotions are, and it also helps you learn more about coworkers and friends. You might find that some people actually have more of an attraction to a different type of personality than you expected.