You're not a DJ. It's not a record.

All right, maybe you ARE a DJ. Maybe you you've been spinning since Sugar Hill Gang hit the stores. Fine. I'll give you that. But it's NOT a record.

If you don't know what I'm talking about yet, then I'll give you a second to walk down here into the gutter with me. ....there ya go. Think about it.... think about it....

Well hello there! Ok, now that you're down here, let's say it again. IT IS NOT A RECORD. You don't have to go at it like you're sanding a car for a paint job.

I know this blog is jumping ahead a little bit out of order. I mean, we were still on the topic of obtaining a girl's number. But I think it's important to go over some sophomore level material for the advanced students...

LESSON 205: FINESSE

Yes, Finesse.
noun: finesse; plural noun: finesses
1.intricate and refined delicacy.

It's important to have finesse if you're going to navigate the female body. Hell, ladies, you need some finesse, too. Remember, it's not a stick shift and this isn't the fast and the furious.

Instead of being all cocky (pardon the pun) and thinking that you know what you're doing, how about instead you LISTEN to the expert first? Yup, right back to the topic of communication. Who's the expert you ask? Sure as sh*t not me. The expert is the person who owns the body that you are trying to navigate... or steer... or shift... or whatever you prefer to call it. Every person and body is different.

Bodies are SENSITIVE. If they weren't then it wouldn't be as much fun. We'd be getting tired and rubbing our shoulders wondering "how long is this going to take?!?!"

So appreciate the sensitivity and SLOWLY work up to it. Hey, some people might want you to treat it like a record, but you can't assume that right out of the gate. Simple physics and anatomy has shown that extended use of the 'DJ' method is going to create some wear and, yes, tear. We'd like it if you avoid that, please. Because as much as women would love for you to set off those fireworks for us, we prefer to stay and enjoy the WHOLE show, not just the first rocket.

So if you please, remember you can always start out as gentle as you want and work your way up, but if you start out at full tilt, it's hard to go back and ease off once you've already blown the engine. Saavy?

HOMEWORK: Play a little Mr. Miagi with your partner.

Next time you get a chance to 'spin the record', ask her/him for some key words. One word to indicate backing off, and another word to indicate turning up the volume. (gradually!!!) Heck, if you wanna get really complicated with it, go full out analogy with RPMs if she's a control freak.

33.........45........ SEVENTY EIGHT!
SEVENTY EIGHT I SAID!!!!