You look like a 5 dollar brotha...

So let's be honest...
If you were gonna check into this hotel, how much would YOU have to pay? 

$10? $20? Hmmm?

 

(Don't just scroll, watch it. My girl got some good advice... and so does my boy.)

Lesson #420 - Work.

Yes, I made this lesson number 420. Why?
Boy please. Don't no one work hard at 420.

 But maybe that's the problem here. I do like me a bit of irony. Too many times we get to the point where things are going good, and it works for us, so we stop working for IT? 

Don't ever take great intimacy, lovemaking, orgasms, a.k.a. SEX, for granted. We get in ruts with wo many aspects of our lives, but this one is just SO rewarding. Like seriously rewarding. 

 

I'm not saying that it's gotta be hours long every time. (Remember my previous lesson where I mentioned chaffing???) I'm pretty sure anyone with children will tell you there are benefits to thirty-second orgasms before the kids figure out how to pick the lock on the bathroom door.

What I'm trying to say here, is you need to put a little effort into it every now and then. Don't be a hit-it-and-quit-it kind of lover. Make sure you are both satisfied and remember this is a partnership. Don't get up from the dinner table just because your plate is done. Wait for them to finish, too. Keep them company while they finish. Encourage them. Ask them how their day was. 

Yes, I'm still talking about SEX. There's nothing wrong with asking someone "How you feeling? How was your day? You want some help with that? That looks tasty, can I have some?" (ok, I heard it, it sounds a little weird.) But you know, showing interest in your partner and expressing that you care does WONDERS. 

So the next time you're wiping off with that towel and yanking your pants back up, wondering if there's any lunchmeat in the fridge for a sandwich, pause for a second and do the math. Are you a $50-dollar brotha, or a $5-dollar brotha?

HOMEWORK: Mathematics...

Think of the last time you were with your lover and calculate how long you spent before any penetration happened. Then figure out how long the penetration was before YOU were done. Figure out what that ratio is. (3:5, 4:1, 3:20?) 

If you spent time 'at the dinner table' with your partner after you were finished assisting them with their... let's call it a plate... then add those extra minutes to the 2nd number as a bonus. Before you get into 'dinner' with your partner again, explain that you read this blog and tell them the ratio number that you came up with. Then ask them if that sounds right to them. THEN... ask them if they would prefer that ratio to change on either side. Maybe it was 10:5 and they would rather it be 10:10? Or maybe they would prefer it to be 15:2? Either way, it should make for a pretty interesting conversation, don't you think?

 

A guy walks into a bar...

...but he might not have if he had just opened his damn eyes.

I can't even count how many memes I've seen that joke around about what a woman is thinking because a guy won't look her in the face during sex. Do we even have to talk about this? Apparently we do.

LESSON 230: EYE CONTACT

Ok, I get it. You have a favorite position, or body part, or maybe you're just one of those people that needs intense concentration, or gets distracted easily, and you have to have a focal point in order to maximize the experience.

It COULD be that you're one of those people that just feels intimidated by eye contact. Or you could be one of those people that has to have the lights off because you're too self-conscious.

That's totally fine. I get it. But for the sake of all low-self-esteem women/men everywhere, TELL US THAT!!!!

Now I admit that I don't stare down hubby in the eyes all the time when we are doing the pelvic tango...

But I try to make sure that I communicate the things that I love about him because I don't want my eyes rolling back into my head and him start to wonder 'who's face does she see in her head when her eyes are closed?'

YES. People wonder that. Not everyone. But some people. The question is... WHICH people? Do you worry about that? Does your partner? Today might be a good day to find out. Ask them if they get enough eye contact during whoopie time, and let them know that you are right there with them in that moment, even if it doesn't look like it. Reassurance can be an amazing thing, and you may not have known that they were so worried. Being able to get rid of that doubt can open up a whole new world for some people.

HOMEWORK: OPEN YOUR EYES. Just try it once. Try to get over that self-conscious feeling and really make eye contact. There is so much honesty in your eyes. And sometimes, it's way sexy. (Trust me on this.) And even if you can't pull it off, maybe you can both get a good laugh out of it later...

It's not a sport, don't keep score...

No matter how much making whoopie makes you wanna cheer, remember, it's not a sport...
so don't keep score.

So I was again scrolling through random mouse clicks, falling deeper into the rabbit hole of the interwebs, and I stumbled across a link to this article: 

6-toxic-relationship-habits-most-people-think-are-normal

It was about relationships, and I was sure it had something to do with communication problems so I of course was like 'pscht, this is something I should check out.'

So I did, and as I was reading this article, I got to thinking. After letting the information stew and thinking about it relates to not just me, but to possibly a wider application (a.k.a. sex), it struck me that people don't just keep score of wrong doings or chores, but they also keep score in bed as well.

Which leads us to
LESSON 330: DON'T KEEP SCORE

How many times have you heard someone say "I always initiate", or "You got to come first the last three times, it's my turn", or "I'm always doing all the work", or "I got the towel last time, you get it". 

(Actual footage of the dance I do when I offer to get the towel after me and hubby have sex. Try getting that image out of your head.)

Seriously though. There's nothing more annoying than knowing that someone is keeping a scorecard of the naturally spontaneous act of intimacy. 

 Stop it.

PSA: Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with communicating a frustration if you want to change things up or if you aren't feeling satisfied in an area of your sexual health. By all means, feel free to ask someone if they would mind taking it slower and letting you finish first this time so that you can take your time pleasing them instead, or asking if they could turn the tables and surprise you with a little unscheduled prompting from their side next time. 

Relax, we all get into habits. It's human nature and it's cool to change that up, but sometimes habits are built upon the things that we know work, also. Try not to make it into a 'scorecard' mentality and instead look at it as the 'standard operating procedure' that you can innovate from time to time. Always look forwards, not backwards. (You know, unless that's your thing. It puts a crick in my neck, personally.)

End of lesson.
No homework tonight, boo. Go forth and free your mind. 

There's an app for that...

Yes students... there's an app for that. 

Even sex. 

They'll make an app for anything these days!!

The more important question is, what app would be useful to YOU?
I'm guessing if you're reading my blog, you might be interested in learning more about how to broaden your sexual horizons. 

Here's your chance to do a little...

RESEARCH 201: Technology Support

So I thought I would share with you some awesome websites and apps that I came across in my latest google researches. Have fun!

AWESOME STUFF:

• SAA App: https://sexualadviceassociation.co.uk/app/ - "Our SMART app is designed to allow men and women to ask the questions about their sex lives that they didn’t feel comfortable asking before."
• REAL TALK: https://www.myhealthed.org/ - "Real Talk", a sexual education app that uses real teenagers’ stories to address questions about sex, puberty, gender, relationships and more.
• MY SEX DOCTOR: This app can help you and your partner boost your carnal knowledge.
• SEXPOSITIVE:  Based out of the University of Oregon, SexPositive employs a wheel format that lets users move a dial to match one part of the body with another and read about what happens when those parts touch each other (does this sound like a dirty Twister game to anyone else?). It'll give you communication tips as well as STI risks and safer sex recommendations, and it even provides information about making sure an encounter is consensual. The app's website reads:    First, we want folks to examine their motivations for having sex and consider whether they’re ready for sex. Second, for users who are ready for sex, we want them to understand that a “yes” to one sexual act is not a “yes” to every sexual act. Third, we want users to consider a variety of personal boundaries before finding themselves in a high-pressure situation. Finally, we want to model the many ways to express and obtain explicit consent.Now, that's a philosophy we can get on board with. SexPositive is available on the App Store and Google Play and has received over 30,000 downloads.
• SEXUAL HEALTH GUIDE:  The Irish app "Sexual Health Guide", also available on the App Store and Google Play, provides a glossary of sexual health terms, the latest sexual health news, and information about sexual problems, contraceptives, and relationships
• BEDSIDER'S BIRTH CONTROL REMINDERS: This is an app for people like me who are busy and always need a reminder to take their birth control
• EVE: Eve is not your normal period tracker app; it’s actually a lot more.
• PLANNED PARENTHOOD CHAT/TEXT: While the Planned Parenthood Chat/Text isn’t an app, it is a great digital tool that you can access on your phone. This gives you a chance to chat with someone who can direct you to better resources if they don't have the answer.
• SAFE: https://www.safeapp.me/ - SAFE is a Safe Sex app that lets you privately show your verified STD status on your phone, check your partners, and get tested for $99 or just a co-pay using your insurance.
• NEEDTAYKNOW: This is a Sexual Health App based out of Scotland, but I checked it out and it's pretty cool! - http://www.cool2talk.org/health-info-zone/needtayknow-sexual-health-app/
• JUICEBOX: Check this one out at  https://www.fastcompany.com/3058661/a-new-approach-to-sex-ed-fun for an interesting approach to sex-ed.

DIRTIER APPS...

For something a little more fun and a little less educational, we have some really sexy technology for you:

• DIRTY SEX GAME FOR COUPLE (17+) Best truth or dare couple game app by Chouic
• IKAMASUTRA: This app costs $2.99, but looks worth the money. It offers detailed descriptions and illustrations of over 100 pleasure poses.
• L. CONDOMS: Dude!!! Delivery!!! L. Condoms delivers condoms 24 hours a day within one hour through bike messengers who have no idea what they're delivering
• PERFECT MOBILE MASSAGER: Or as some of us call it, a rocket in your pocket. (No one calls it that. Just humor me.) "Perfect mobile massager for your beauty and health" on google play - "Try out the buzzy app on different erogenous zones and sexy body areas—but PLEASE be hygienic, since cell phones are breeding grounds for bacteria."
• MYSTERYVIBE: "MysteryVibe" knows how to use tech to enhance your pleasure. This app is used in conjunction with their Crescendo vibrator that they sell. The app lets users control the Crescendo’s speed and motion from a smartphone, upping the intensity when the time is right or creating custom vibration patterns. It may cost something to buy the vibrator, but if you want something fun you can do with your phone, this sounds like a fun idea!
• LIONESS: "Lioness: Sexual Health Tracker" Another app that goes with a vibrator... when paired with the Lioness massager, the Lioness app gives you a new way to learn and explore you and your own, unique body by giving you a fresh perspective of your sex life and a way to change your routine.

NOTABLE MENTIONS:
Check out this GREAT video on good clitoral sex positions from health.com: //players.brightcove.net/1125866826/default_default/index.html?videoId=5668783972001

FOUR YOUR INFORMATION:
Just because I found it interesting: Websites such as HealthTap, LiveHealth Online and JustDoc, for example, allow you to video chat with medical specialists from your computer. Companies such as L and Nurk allow you to order contraceptives from your cellphone, without ever going to the doctor for a prescription. And there are a slew of at-home STI testing kits from companies like Biem, MyLAB Box and uBiome that let you swab yourself at home, mail in your samples and receive the results on your phone.
(taken from http://www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/health/ct-sexual-health-apps-20180111-story.html)


I hope something in this list ends up being useful for you! Do you have some other apps that you find interesting or really useful and fun? Let me know! Comment below or shoot an email to ravengenevieveauthor@gmail.com