You look like a 5 dollar brotha...

So let's be honest...
If you were gonna check into this hotel, how much would YOU have to pay? 

$10? $20? Hmmm?

 

(Don't just scroll, watch it. My girl got some good advice... and so does my boy.)

Lesson #420 - Work.

Yes, I made this lesson number 420. Why?
Boy please. Don't no one work hard at 420.

 But maybe that's the problem here. I do like me a bit of irony. Too many times we get to the point where things are going good, and it works for us, so we stop working for IT? 

Don't ever take great intimacy, lovemaking, orgasms, a.k.a. SEX, for granted. We get in ruts with wo many aspects of our lives, but this one is just SO rewarding. Like seriously rewarding. 

 

I'm not saying that it's gotta be hours long every time. (Remember my previous lesson where I mentioned chaffing???) I'm pretty sure anyone with children will tell you there are benefits to thirty-second orgasms before the kids figure out how to pick the lock on the bathroom door.

What I'm trying to say here, is you need to put a little effort into it every now and then. Don't be a hit-it-and-quit-it kind of lover. Make sure you are both satisfied and remember this is a partnership. Don't get up from the dinner table just because your plate is done. Wait for them to finish, too. Keep them company while they finish. Encourage them. Ask them how their day was. 

Yes, I'm still talking about SEX. There's nothing wrong with asking someone "How you feeling? How was your day? You want some help with that? That looks tasty, can I have some?" (ok, I heard it, it sounds a little weird.) But you know, showing interest in your partner and expressing that you care does WONDERS. 

So the next time you're wiping off with that towel and yanking your pants back up, wondering if there's any lunchmeat in the fridge for a sandwich, pause for a second and do the math. Are you a $50-dollar brotha, or a $5-dollar brotha?

HOMEWORK: Mathematics...

Think of the last time you were with your lover and calculate how long you spent before any penetration happened. Then figure out how long the penetration was before YOU were done. Figure out what that ratio is. (3:5, 4:1, 3:20?) 

If you spent time 'at the dinner table' with your partner after you were finished assisting them with their... let's call it a plate... then add those extra minutes to the 2nd number as a bonus. Before you get into 'dinner' with your partner again, explain that you read this blog and tell them the ratio number that you came up with. Then ask them if that sounds right to them. THEN... ask them if they would prefer that ratio to change on either side. Maybe it was 10:5 and they would rather it be 10:10? Or maybe they would prefer it to be 15:2? Either way, it should make for a pretty interesting conversation, don't you think?

 

A guy walks into a bar...

...but he might not have if he had just opened his damn eyes.

I can't even count how many memes I've seen that joke around about what a woman is thinking because a guy won't look her in the face during sex. Do we even have to talk about this? Apparently we do.

LESSON 230: EYE CONTACT

Ok, I get it. You have a favorite position, or body part, or maybe you're just one of those people that needs intense concentration, or gets distracted easily, and you have to have a focal point in order to maximize the experience.

It COULD be that you're one of those people that just feels intimidated by eye contact. Or you could be one of those people that has to have the lights off because you're too self-conscious.

That's totally fine. I get it. But for the sake of all low-self-esteem women/men everywhere, TELL US THAT!!!!

Now I admit that I don't stare down hubby in the eyes all the time when we are doing the pelvic tango...

But I try to make sure that I communicate the things that I love about him because I don't want my eyes rolling back into my head and him start to wonder 'who's face does she see in her head when her eyes are closed?'

YES. People wonder that. Not everyone. But some people. The question is... WHICH people? Do you worry about that? Does your partner? Today might be a good day to find out. Ask them if they get enough eye contact during whoopie time, and let them know that you are right there with them in that moment, even if it doesn't look like it. Reassurance can be an amazing thing, and you may not have known that they were so worried. Being able to get rid of that doubt can open up a whole new world for some people.

HOMEWORK: OPEN YOUR EYES. Just try it once. Try to get over that self-conscious feeling and really make eye contact. There is so much honesty in your eyes. And sometimes, it's way sexy. (Trust me on this.) And even if you can't pull it off, maybe you can both get a good laugh out of it later...