This is a blog, this is only a blog. This is not an accredited University or institution of higher education. RG University is only the TITLE of this blog. Thank you!
CONSISTENCY: the achievement of a level of performance that does not vary greatly in quality over time.
I'm not talking about "performance" of the kind you're thinking of...
Gotcha there. Hee hee
I'm talking about your verbal performance, and your relationship skills performance... a.k.a. communication consistency.
IT MATTERS. It matters SO much.
And it matters so much that I'm going to let Simon Sinek explain it, because he does it better than anyone I've heard yet. If you don't think being consistent is important, then I guess you won't be afraid to watch this video, right?
Could it be more important than communication? It could, if you've
already established a relationship. It could be the glue that holds the
relationship together. It exists alongside trust, honesty, and
reliability. Big words here people, but seriously easy concepts. Consistency leads to reliability, consistency leads to trust, trust leads to better sex...
Contemplate that a while.
Homework:
If you're feeling a little self-improvement kick coming on, try checking out these two links:
LESSON FOR THE DAY: Sexual Health 303 - your body is going through changes...
Can we talk about the differences that happen to a person's body as they evolve and mature, without attaching a judgement to it for a minute? I feel like that needs to be talked about, and it's important to realize that any difficulties during sex shouldn't always be attributed to a person's mindset. We don't always have control over our bodily functions.
If you have ever taken a health class in middle/high school, you would have heard the word "puberty" often enough to make you want to full on gag. But no one talks to you about the changes that happen to a person's body after they become an adult. Where is THAT health class? It's not something that we are educated about as a right of passage to adulthood. But maybe we should be?
We hear women talk about "the change", but rarely hear exactly what changes go with it other than not having your period anymore. And does anyone even talk about what guys go through, other than seeing commercials on TV for penile dysfunction? (Yes, I said it out loud. Stop cringing.)
What's worse, is that our bodies often decide to do things that we can't control, no matter how much we try. Sure, sometimes our feelings/emotions DO affect how our bodies react...
But other times, our bodies don't cooperate, and our body language might be like speaking pig latin to your lover. For example...
He gets soft = doesn't mean he isn't having fun
She isn't wet = doesn't mean she isn't having fun
He flips you over = doesn't mean he thinks you're ugly
She closes her eyes = doesn't mean she thinks you're ugly
He turns the light on = doesn't mean he's about to do something weird
She turns the light off = doesn't mean she doesn't want to look at you
He sneezes = doesn't mean he's allergic to you
She sneezes = just might make things more (or less) fun for him... think about it
I'm just saying, you can't assume the worst when you try to interpret body language. This is why
**COMMUNICATION**
is so important. How many times do I have to say that???
But for today's lesson, I really want to talk about how our bodies can really not work the way we want them to, and how it's not always a mental thing. Sometimes there are reasons that women have trouble producing enough moisture and there are reasons why guys might have trouble getting ultra hard. It doesn't mean they aren't having fun!!! (But it's okay to ASK if they are enjoying it... never hurts to check. Truly.)
It's not like getting caught picking your nose... there are some things that happen to your body that you just can't help. Having babies changes a woman's body (if I hear one more joke about throwing hot dogs down a hallway, so help me God), but so does changing hormones and growing UP. Face it guys and gals... you aren't gonna have that 17 year old body forever. So adjust, and figure out ways to have fun with it! We are living in the age of accessories!!!
Ladies, If you have a consistent problem with moisture, do NOT think that using lube is a crutch. In fact, it can be pretty fun. Picking out just the right one can make for a super fun shopping spree.
Just remember that all those flavors and scents don't always make it better, but it never hurts to try. :-) And the slipperier you get, the nicer things feel for both/all parties involved. Lack of moisture can be caused by a multitude of reasons. I'm not going to list them here, because you're just going to google it yourself anyways. (It's ok - I get it. That's what we do.)
By the way, did you know?
But I digress...
Guys have just as many difficulties too, ladies. Try to remember that sometimes those penises (penii?) have a mind of their own!
Those poor little lambs have a hell of a time in middle school, especially when they have to give a presentation in the front of class and all of a sudden it decides that it wants to make a presentation of it's own. So have a heart... do your part. If it decides it doesn't want to play right then and there, remember that there are plenty of other body parts to give attention to. Guys like a nice back scratch or massage just as much as we do. We don't have to stop giving attention just because they aren't... AT attention. And guys, there's no shame in it, and no reason for YOU to quit either. Plenty of fun to be had without it, just sayin.
And as much as people make jokes about size, and whether it matters, there is definitely something to be said for how people fit together. But you don't have to be the Jolly Green Giant or have Kegel muscles strong enough to make applesauce in order to have sex that is satisfying with your partner. It just takes finding the right angle, lube, rhythm, position, timing or foreplay to make it happen, Cap'n. Oh, and did I mention COMMUNICATION?!??!?!?!
(Don't get the applesauce reference? Here ya go:)
JUST REMEMBER WHAT'S IMPORTANT:
Now go get em tiger...
Homework for today:
Research lubrication and compare websites and prices. Feel free to share any great deals in the comments below!!! :-)
No matter how much making whoopie makes you wanna cheer, remember, it's not a sport... so don't keep score.
So I was again scrolling through random mouse clicks, falling deeper into the rabbit hole of the interwebs, and I stumbled across a link to this article:
It was about relationships, and I was sure it had something to do with communication problems so I of course was like 'pscht, this is something I should check out.'
So I did, and as I was reading this article, I got to thinking. After letting the information stew and thinking about it relates to not just me, but to possibly a wider application (a.k.a. sex), it struck me that people don't just keep score of wrong doings or chores, but they also keep score in bed as well.
Which leads us to LESSON 330: DON'T KEEP SCORE
How many times have you heard someone say "I always initiate", or "You got to come first the last three times, it's my turn", or "I'm always doing all the work", or "I got the towel last time, you get it".
(Actual footage of the dance I do when I offer to get the towel after me and hubby have sex. Try getting that image out of your head.)
Seriously though. There's nothing more annoying than knowing that someone is keeping a scorecard of the naturally spontaneous act of intimacy.
Stop it.
PSA: Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with communicating a frustration if you want to change things up or if you aren't feeling satisfied in an area of your sexual health. By all means, feel free to ask someone if they would mind taking it slower and letting you finish first this time so that you can take your time pleasing them instead, or asking if they could turn the tables and surprise you with a little unscheduled prompting from their side next time.
Relax, we all get into habits. It's human nature and it's cool to change that up, but sometimes habits are built upon the things that we know work, also. Try not to make it into a 'scorecard' mentality and instead look at it as the 'standard operating procedure' that you can innovate from time to time. Always look forwards, not backwards. (You know, unless that's your thing. It puts a crick in my neck, personally.)
End of lesson. No homework tonight, boo. Go forth and free your mind.
Prerequisite: Lesson 402 Course Description: This is a follow up course to the content in Lesson 402. It's a writing intensive course designed to help you dive further into the advanced topics of sexual education and self-exploration. At the end of this course, you'll be able to discuss sex with another human without giggling like a little school-girl. Unless, of course, giggling like a little school-girl is what turns you or your partner on.
Today, students, is video day! In this class we are going to feature a TED talk from another speaker. Feel free to consider this course a special topics course in upper division sexual awareness. Welcome to...
LESSON 403- VULNERABILITY: THE BUILDING BLOCK OF GREAT SEX
Let me say that word again. Vulnerability. Don't cringe. It's okay. I know that a lot of us associate the word vulnerable as a negative thing. We assume that people who are vulnerable are easily hurt, damaged, and broken. It could very well be true, but if you are never able to become vulnerable, then you're going to miss out on the awesome things because you have built up a wall to keep anything new from happening.
That's a no-no. TEAR DOWNthat wall! Go watch this video we are featuring from Olive B. Persimmon before reading on... she allowed herself to be vulnerable, and wonderful things happened as a result.
Anything sound familiar to you? Yup. It's time to make a list. Did you do your homework for Lesson 402? Good!!! (If you didn't, then you can get half credit if you turn it in late.) Now it's time for some in-class assignments. Think about what Olive said, and decide if you are vulnerable enough to try something new. Just pick one thing for now.
Nope. Sorry. JUST ONE thing for now.
Okay, now think about that one thing. Are you willing to try it? Probably. Are you willing to ask for it? Yeah. That's the harder part. When's the right time to ask, how to ask for it, how to prepare to get shot down... it's tough. Communication is tough. Think about picking a time when you can talk in private with your partner about trying this new thing. Figure out how you want it to happen, and what boundaries you want to set (or not set). Also think about how you might respond if they aren't up for it. Is there a compromise you'd like to try? Can you be a good listener and see if maybe they have a counter-suggestion? But all of these things are completely useless to think about if you aren't vulnerable enough to go for it and talk about it. So...
Sometimes you just gotta be brave and go for it. You may be surprised to see how well your partner reacts once you've opened up the communication-flood-gates.
HOMEWORK: Go download one of Olive's "Yes-No-Maybe" lists from her site at https://www.olivepersimmon.com/let-s-get-sexy and get to checking off. Bonus points if you and your partner do the list and exchange them with each other! And even if you don't have a partner, what's the harm in having the list around just in case an opportunity comes up?
The more important question is, what app would be useful to YOU? I'm guessing if you're reading my blog, you might be interested in learning more about how to broaden your sexual horizons.
Here's your chance to do a little...
RESEARCH 201: Technology Support
So I thought I would share with you some awesome websites and apps that I came across in my latest google researches. Have fun!
AWESOME STUFF:
SAA App: https://sexualadviceassociation.co.uk/app/ - "Our SMART app is designed to allow men and women to ask the questions about their sex lives that they didn’t feel comfortable asking before."
REAL TALK: https://www.myhealthed.org/ - "Real Talk", a sexual education app that uses real teenagers’ stories to address questions about sex, puberty, gender, relationships and more.
MY SEX DOCTOR: This app can help you and your partner boost your carnal knowledge.
SEXPOSITIVE: Based out of the University of Oregon, SexPositive employs a wheel format that lets users move a dial to match one part of the body with another and read about what happens when those parts touch each other (does this sound like a dirty Twister game to anyone else?). It'll give you communication tips as well as STI risks and safer sex recommendations, and it even provides information about making sure an encounter is consensual. The app's website reads: First, we want folks to examine their motivations for having sex and consider whether they’re ready for sex. Second, for users who are ready for sex, we want them to understand that a “yes” to one sexual act is not a “yes” to every sexual act. Third, we want users to consider a variety of personal boundaries before finding themselves in a high-pressure situation. Finally, we want to model the many ways to express and obtain explicit consent.Now, that's a philosophy we can get on board with. SexPositive is available on the App Store and Google Play and has received over 30,000 downloads.
SEXUAL HEALTH GUIDE: The Irish app "Sexual Health Guide", also available on the App Store and Google Play, provides a glossary of sexual health terms, the latest sexual health news, and information about sexual problems, contraceptives, and relationships
BEDSIDER'S BIRTH CONTROL REMINDERS: This is an app for people like me who are busy and always need a reminder to take their birth control
EVE: Eve is not your normal period tracker app; it’s actually a lot more.
PLANNED PARENTHOOD CHAT/TEXT: While the Planned Parenthood Chat/Text isn’t an app, it is a great digital tool that you can access on your phone. This gives you a chance to chat with someone who can direct you to better resources if they don't have the answer.
SAFE: https://www.safeapp.me/ - SAFE is a Safe Sex app that lets you privately show your verified STD status on your phone, check your partners, and get tested for $99 or just a co-pay using your insurance.
For something a little more fun and a little less educational, we have some really sexy technology for you:
DIRTY SEX GAME FOR COUPLE (17+) Best truth or dare couple game app by Chouic
IKAMASUTRA: This app costs $2.99, but looks worth the money. It offers detailed descriptions and illustrations of over 100 pleasure poses.
L. CONDOMS: Dude!!! Delivery!!! L. Condoms delivers condoms 24 hours a day within one hour through bike messengers who have no idea what they're delivering
PERFECT MOBILE MASSAGER: Or as some of us call it, a rocket in your pocket. (No one calls it that. Just humor me.) "Perfect mobile massager for your beauty and health" on google play - "Try out the buzzy app on different erogenous zones and sexy body areas—but PLEASE be hygienic, since cell phones are breeding grounds for bacteria."
MYSTERYVIBE: "MysteryVibe" knows how to use tech to enhance your pleasure. This app is used in conjunction with their Crescendo vibrator that they sell. The app lets users control the Crescendo’s speed and motion from a smartphone, upping the intensity when the time is right or creating custom vibration patterns. It may cost something to buy the vibrator, but if you want something fun you can do with your phone, this sounds like a fun idea!
LIONESS: "Lioness: Sexual Health Tracker" Another app that goes with a vibrator... when paired with the Lioness massager, the Lioness app gives you a new way to learn and explore you and your own, unique body by giving you a fresh perspective of your sex life and a way to change your routine.
FOUR YOUR INFORMATION:
Just because I found it interesting: Websites such as HealthTap, LiveHealth Online and JustDoc, for example, allow you to video chat with medical specialists from your computer. Companies such as L and Nurk allow you to order contraceptives from your cellphone, without ever going to the doctor for a prescription. And there are a slew of at-home STI testing kits from companies like Biem, MyLAB Box and uBiome that let you swab yourself at home, mail in your samples and receive the results on your phone.
(taken from http://www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/health/ct-sexual-health-apps-20180111-story.html)
I hope something in this list ends up being useful for you! Do you have some other apps that you find interesting or really useful and fun? Let me know! Comment below or shoot an email to ravengenevieveauthor@gmail.com
Anyone ever give you advice that sounded like it was making sense, but you had no clue what in the hell they were talking about?
You have to remember that if it sounds a bit crazy, it might just be crazy. You MIGHT be getting advice from someone who actually may not have their facts straight in the first place. Or it might be just a matter of lack of proper knowledge. Or they may not be saying it in a way that is communicating what they really wanted to say.
Let's take for example, this advice from one man to another, who is trying to help his fellow man become more... manly, so to speak. In the more conventional sense of the word. (Go ahead, click play. If you've never seen the movie "Smoke Signals", it's a great one to have in your repertoire.)
LESSON 206: STOICISM
Let's discuss this word "Stoic", shall we? Have you heard this word before? What kind of images come up when you think of stoic?
Were you aware that stoic is not just a verb, but is also a philosophy? There are actually basic principles of Stoicism that come from a philosophy that goes as far back as 3rd century BC (Socrates times, ya'll).
Not to get into too much detail, it basically emphasizes that it is best to be emotionally resilient, and that some emotions are unhealthy and don't fit in with the natural order of things. It encourages a state of calm and virtue, trying to avoid those 'destructive emotions' that can throw things out of balance. Stoics tend to regard people more by how they behave, rather than by how they speak or think. (Seems to make sense.)
I hate to derail this post too much, since it's not about philosophical belief systems and culture, so if you'd like a quick break-down on what Stoicism's basic principles are, and what you can learn from it, check out this article by Billy Williams. It has some useful ideas that could be applicable to men and women alike (if you so choose to read it that way). https://www.askmen.com/entertainment/austin/what-stoicism-teaches-us-about-how-to-be-a-man.html
In regards to the word STOIC itself, and perhaps in the way that the video above was referring to, it might help to know where the word came from. It's basic origins come from the Greek word stoikos, or "of the stoa"... stoa being a Portico, or porch... leading to the base of the word stoic. Basically, meaning that your face is a porch.
YES, your face is a porch... a porch made of marble pillars, unchanging... serious... a virtual mystery of what emotion may be residing just under the surface.
Now I know that I've said in previous blogs that women love to laugh. I own that. I still agree that a great sense of humor is amazing. Hell, I'll even advocate that sometimes healthy laughter is totally amazing, even in the midst of sex. Laughter, endorphins, blah blah blah. I won't take back my word on that.
BUT...
But just like everything else in life... booze, chocolate, sex, drugs, rock and roll... everything is best in moderation. (Well, maybe not chocolate.) We all need to find a good balance in life, and that includes finding a mate with a good balance who isn't always the same all the time. Constantly being bombarded with humor will eventually dull the senses to the humor. It's like taking the same antibiotic all the time. Eventually your body gets used to it and it's not as novel anymore. This goes for a lot of personality traits, such as intensity, excitement, hyperactivity, talkativeness, gushiness, grumpiness, anxiousness, and plenty of other adjectives/adverbs. After all, variety is the spice of life, is it not?
So where does being STOIC come in? Well, have you ever seen one of those scenes where a sexy actor in a movie has this moment of seriousness and the camera seems to feature a look on their face and all the women in the theater swoon because it's just so smoldering?
Well, stoic can be kind of like smoldering, onlynot as intense. And being stoic has historically been a very male characteristic, kind of like having a deep voice or brooding eyebrows.
Um, well, maybe not like that. Think more like, uh....
That works. My point is, no matter what advice anyone gives you, including advice from myself or my blog, you will want to consider using that advice IN MODERATION. We all need to find a good balance, and if you find yourself in a rut with your relationship, or if you find your partner constantly falling into the same mood, look within and see if you have been consistently projecting the same mood as well.
Don't misinterpret this as encouragement to hide your feelings. If something needs to be dealt with, don't build a porch on your face. Or... a wall... whatever. Don't emotion-block. Some feelings were meant to be worn on the sleeve, otherwise you might
end up losing the communication skills you've been trying so hard to
develop with your partner and lover.
What I'm trying to say here is, changing it up can be a good thing, even if "changing up" means going for a more serious tone from time to time. See how it affects your life and your relationships. Perhaps you might find conversations following a more philosophical route than they used to. Or you might change the dynamic of a lover-relationship slightly and create some "smolder". Or maybe it might cause someone else to suddenly wonder what your thinking, and wondering leads to curiosity, and curiosity leads to... well, usually fun things. As long as it doesn't involve a cat.
Like I said... everything in moderation. Find that balance.
HOMEWORK: Keep a journal for a week, and on each day write what 'mood' you are going to set for the whole day and try to keep that mood throughout the whole day. Try out happy, excited, hyper, sullen, determined, stoic, sentimental, etc. At the end of every day, write down how others reacted to your mood and whether those are reactions that you enjoyed or not. It's a great practice in seeing how contagious our moods and emotions are, and it also helps you learn more about coworkers and friends. You might find that some people actually have more of an attraction to a different type of personality than you expected.
