Chemistry for dummies...

Didn't have a chemistry kit when you were little? No biggie. All the tools you need for good chemistry are at your disposal already, although you might not have realized it. So put on your thinking caps and listen up, cause this is a little different than Chemistry 101. It's...

SEXUAL CHEMISTRY 104

We all know that for some people there's and instant chemical attraction, but what exactly ARE those chemicals? And can we use that knowledge of chemistry for our own use? Why YES! We CAN!

But I know that you didn't come here to get all 'sciency' and stuff. So let's briefly break it down to the key words that you need to know to get you started.

DOPAMINE

ENDORPHINS

That's a start for now. Why do you need to know these words? Cause they make us feel good and give us incentive to keep doing the things that produce these chemicals!!! If you can find a way to produce this stuff for your partner, they'll keep coming back to get those 'feel good' stuffs from you more often! Who doesn't like to be around someone who makes you feel good? It can become addicting even!

So what do you really need to know here? Simply find out what makes that dopamine fly in the person you wanna be with! It's not as complicated as you think... dopamine levels can rise for even the simplest actions, such as smiling. Did you know that simply by smiling you can increase the dopamine in your brain? The internet says so, so it must be true! Go on... try it!

Ever have one of those moments where you see a couple and wonder "what on earth do they see in each other?"
Jessica Rabbit said it best... "He makes me LAUGH."

Think about it... laughter primes the body for friendly interaction with the person causing the laughing!

Did you know that your heart beats faster from laughter? Which then causes increased blood flow and even helps with antibodies, endorphins, and a release of dopamine? Just listen to the good doctors in THIS VIDEO talk about laughter. They know what they're talking about!

Don't forget there are other things that boost dopamine... trying new activities, going on adventures, and even eating certain foods will help you out if your punchline isn't so punchy.

Try some dopamine boosting FOODS like bananas, watermelons, avocados or even some cheese or dairy. Google it... you'll find a good bit of research on foods that will help with dopamine levels, but make sure you read the full article to find out how to get the most out of those foods. They usually need to be paired up with something else to ensure they get the most effect on your brain. (Look for the keyword "brain barrier".) Don't forget to try some fava beans...

Not hangry?

Maybe try a little bit of EXERCISE. Finding a neat activity to do together could be great foreplay, as long as you're not too competitive. You might find a new hobby to add to your weekly routine to boot! Don't worry, it could be as easy as taking a walk in a park, or a little more strenuous like playing racquetball at the local Y. You don't have to be overachievers like this couple:

Don't laugh... I bet these couples had great sex after making this video.
Right after they put ice on all their bruises.

Homework: Find something hysterical to laugh about, and then share it with a friend... or even better, your lover. :-)  See if it changes your evening plans.

For the sake of imitation...

"Trying to imitate porn for its own sake can be a let down." -Elle Stanger
I read this sentence, written by a wonderful blogger named Elle Stanger. I happened across the comment after perusing her many blogs on a website called Thrillist. I would be lying if I said that I spend my days researching other blogs about sex, libido, and feminism... although that would make for some really fun days. But on this particular day, I had one of those google moments where I started in one place...

And ended up in another place all together...

By the way... just fair warning, you might wanna lay down a blanket there buddy otherwise there's gonna be some pretty weird butt-cheek smudges on the hood of the car. Just sayin. I mean... I wouldn't know. I'm just guessing. Cause I wouldn't have ever been in that scenario cause I'm a law abiding citizen and would never get caught doing that. (Key word... "caught".)

Seriously though, after reading that one sentence, it made me think. It made me think hard.

Oh stop it. Not THAT kind of hard. 

So I was thinking about how there is a fine line between what we see in porn or sexual scenes on TV and what actually works in our own bedrooms... or whatever place you choose to make happy at. 

I mean, we all know that things don't always work the same way in real life as they do on film. But it doesn't mean some of us aren't going to TRY our little hearts out. But consider again the quote above...

 "Trying to imitate porn for its own sake can be a let down."

The sentence begs for us to step back for a moment and consider whether or not TRYING is actually always the best idea. I mean, I'm all for overachievers. Shouldn't we all try to achieve greatness? Don't we want to broaden our horizons? 

Maybe. 

This is where communication betwixt lovers comes into play more than anything. We can't possibly expect that every neat little trick on the TV is going to work for everyone, and we can't assume that everyone in the world actually WANTS to try that trick. 

But COULD it work? Yes. DID it work? I dunno. You need to ask your lover if you were both game to give it a go. Is it worth a TRY? Probably, according to the sexperts. Do you WANT to try it? That's another story all together. I mean... just because it's an option, doesn't necessarily mean you are interested in it. And just because someone makes it look all awesome and schmexy on TV doesn't mean that you aren't badass in the bedroom if you don't do it. 

Some of the greatest love affairs have been vanilla as hell. There's no shame in that! And there's no shame in LIKING vanilla. Vanilla is a great flavor and the proof of that is in all the 'vanilla' flavored crap out there on the shelves. Next time you go to the grocery store, count how many things have the word vanilla on the package. I bet it's more than you imagine! 

So just remember, you don't HAVE to try that super complicated spinning thrust move you saw on that porn. 

And you don't HAVE to try out that thing they do with the fist or the grapefruit thing from our nutrition lesson if the thought of it scares the crap out of you or you just hate the taste of fists. 

And no one can tell you that you aren't having fun if someone isn't squirting every time you have sexy-time.

Everyone is different, and you shouldn't diminish the fun you're having just because you're comparing it to some staged porn scene on the TV. Go out there and enjoy yourself, and remember to communicate with your partner and figure out what works for YOU, not everyone else. ;-)

IF you read all this, then THANK YOU, and pat yourself on the back for completing 

LESSON 402: Sexy Self-Efficacy Psychology Stuffs

HOMEWORK: Make a list of the things you are happy about with your own sex life. You don't have to share it, but sometimes it helps to focus on the things you're grateful for, and being grateful for your sensuality and happiness is always healthy for the psyche. 

The Zones... upper division credits!

So, do you know all the "ZONES"? Are you hitting them all? Are your zones different than someone else's zones? Let's talk about this, shall we? 

We're talking about
LESSON 401: EROGENOUS ZONES. 

Some people say they have a 'spot'...

Others say they don't have a specific spot, but just like to be touched a certain way (gentle, tickly, with/without nails, rough, soft, slow, fast). 

 Yeah... just like that...

However, I think we can all agree that the human body has a certain number of places that have nerve clusters that tend to be in the same places on all human bodies. But it's not just about NERVES.

Making whoopie more fun than "meh" really comes from keeping things interesting and having a good roadmap. But rather than re-invent the wheel, I'm just going to refer to this particular scene from the TV show "Friends" and then we can discuss our interpretation of it after you watch it. 

(Rolls TV/VCR cart into classroom)

 Do you need 3 minutes? Take a break if you need to...

Ok, you good now?
So... what do YOU think zones 1 through 7 are? I noticed that someone in the comments of the above YouTube video believes the zones are:
           1. Lips            2. Breasts            3. Butt            4. Neck and behind ears            5. Inside of thighs            6. Clitoris            7. Vagina/G-spot

Do you agree? I'm pretty sure we would all agree on what "7" is...

...but I think it's possible to say that 1 through 6 could vary depending on the woman. This might be a great chance for you to discuss this with your partner and find out their "1 through 6", cause we all know that 1,2,3,4,5,6 all lead to... 

But what about our guy-friends out there? 

If we assume that "7" is your tally-whacker then what would you say is your "1 through 6"?  

Wait wait wait... I'm totally LOL-ing because tally-whacker is actually in spell-check, and this is what gif I found when I searched for "Tally Whacker" LMAO

Really??? lol

Ok, sorry, I digress...
SO. Is #2 pretty much the same if we substitute breasts for nipples? What is your substitute for #6? It might not be a bad idea for you to know what your own zones are before expecting someone else to know them. Keep that in mind.   

ASSIGNMENT: Write up your "1 through 6" list and then re-watch the Friends video to see if that would do it for you. Do it. ...do it NOW.

Make it sing...

Today's blog is just for fun, but I hope that it helps inspire a little creativity in your life today!

So... In my vast expanse of Google searches during this week, I've come across a multitude of crazy, interesting, sad, funny, and sometimes inspiring tidbits.
(I just love the sound of the word tidbit. I feel like if you were talking fast enough, and drunk enough, it would be easy to say bid-tits instead. I mean, what exactly is a bit of tid anyway?)

Amongst my interesting discoveries this week, I found that there is a plethora of condoms that I've been completely ignorant about. I guess that's the hazard of married life. You don't get to experience that AWESOME trip to the store for prophylactics (say that five times fast) and baby-daddy-prevention.

Being less of a shopaholic than your average lady-type, I have a feeling I would be less prone to hang out comparing features, colors, sizes and scents. I'd be more of a GRAB-and-GO kinda gal.

But in light of this new found information I have, I feel like this should spur a little bit of shopping fun so that I can thoroughly test out the new assortment of rubbers (thank you Mr. Goodyear) that are out on the market. I mean, we could all stand to be a little more familiar with those good old "love gloves".

Here's something even more interesting that I came across in my tom-fuckery on the masterful interwebs... did you know that someone said that a man in Hungary invented a MUSICAL CONDOM?

LESSON 399: MUSIC THEORY

Let me assure you right now, I couldn't find any evidence that this was truth and not a hoax, but even the concept was pretty hysterical to research. I mean, it was claimed that when you unrolled the condom, it played a communist hymn "Arise, Ye Worker", which is enough to make me spit out my hot tea while reading it.

No wait wait wait... that's not all. Even better is that there were rumors of another musical condom years later touting a "jimmy hat" that had sensors on it that would vary the music it played depending on position and rigor of the wearer.
Talk about performance pressure!!!

I'm telling you, I have a hard enough time being distracted by the thought of one of our kids knocking on the door in the middle of "grand events" that there is NO WAY I would be able to make it to "mountain-top" while the frickin flight of the bumble bee was playing inside my hoo-haw.

Try making love without this song popping in your head the most inopportune moment now... I dare ya.

HOMEWORK:
So here's a thought provoking question for your week...
IF YOUR DICK WAS A BOOMBOX,
WHAT SONG WOULD IT PLAY???


(If you're looking for some ideas of narrowing down your own shopping options, perhaps it would help to read this link which shared a blogger's own adventure in condom trial and error:
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/shopping/2005/03/rubber_match.html )

It's okay to play with your food...

VOCATIONAL COURSEWORK: NUTRITION 203

Just thought it was time to have a special vocational class today and talk about nutrition. Shall we?

We're living in a time when the world is trying to get the human race back on the right track, health wise. I say "sounds good to me!" We should all eat more fruits...And everyone says dark chocolate is actually good for you, so make sure you stock up at the grocery store and encourage your partner to try it too!

And of course yogurt is great for the digestion and goes great with strawberries. While we are dipping things, don't forget to spread it too! Peanut butter, that is...

There's such a great variety of foods out there that you may never have tried before. Why not check out some videos from Stephanie Sarley? She features a lot of foods you may never have thought of (in this way) before.

Remember that it is important to always practice good sanitary habits as well. Keep your cucumber CLEAN!! You don't want to risk giving or getting any infections. Maybe even ask your partner for some help cleaning. ;-) Don't be scared...

But just in case you need instructions regarding that, there is the RIGHT way to stay clean, and the wrong way... Ladies, here is some proper "cucumber" information for you as well.

And lastly, we know that grapefruits may sound bitter and unsweet, but if they are healthy and your partner likes them, why not have an open mind?

 Meet the woman who teaches the "grapefruit technique"

Or watch the technique in this video here :-)

I hope you all take some time to work on your wellness this week! Remember, eat right...

...get LOTS of exercise...

...and establish good sleeping habits.

Have a great week students!

Get by with a little help...

GUYS... this one's for you.

You know, occasionally my faith in huMANity is restored. Truthfully, as a cis-woman, I have a hard time not feeling resentful and cynical about my male counterparts. (The horrible few ruin it for the rest of you! I'm truly sorry about that. Sincerely. I'm working on that.) Luckily, there are times when you see something and it restores the hope that you had for he world.

I found a website... a blog... nay a movement.... I was totally looking for something completely unrelated (parenting and crafty-stuff advice, of all things) and I came across this website that was a host to a wonderful array of advice geared towards "Good men". I thought 'well that's interesting.'

I started looking around this site and LO AND BEHOLD... I saw some decent advice! Obviously everything is subjective and what might be great advice for one is useless to another. I admit that.

MY POINT...
if you will permit me to get to it...
is that this reminded me of a group of young men I once knew years ago who used to meet once a week to build each other up and hold each other accountable. They were a group of GREAT men, truly great, and I hope they are still supporting each other to this day. But more importantly, I realized now that ALL men NEED that. I see a lot of talk about women needing to have a best friend or a support group but...

LESSON 301: Everybody needs somebody sometime...

Don't laugh, it's true! As much as we don't like it when someone calls us 'needy', it's absolutely true. Humans are social beings.

If we don't rely on the sharing of common knowledge from the experiences of others, then we are going to be stuck making the same mistakes generation after generation. Don't keep the lesson to yourself, pass it on! Take some time to learn from your fellow man, and then when you get that 'ah ha' moment of your own, SHARE IT. Even if it's just at the water cooler and you have to be brief.

Um... not THAT brief.

But don't be afraid to reach out and look for advice, too. It's out there. You just have to be willing to ask for it. (Just about as easy as asking for directions, right?)

Don't be afraid to communicate with your fellow man!  Communication is just as important with a mentor as it is with a friend or lover. Mentors are highly underrated, and should be used more often. Find a mentor and BE a mentor. Just remember to use your communication skills, and don't be cryptic.

HOMEWORK: Check out the site https://goodmenproject.com/ OR google for some good articles geared towards self-growth and find an article that stands out to you. It doesn't have to be about sex, but if you find something out there that you think "Hey, this was actually worth my time to read" then SHARE IT here!!!! Or share it anywhere! Be a mentor to other men. Post a link in the comments or post a share on Facebook for me. Whatever floats your boat! Just remember guys, you need support, too.